i've been having some sort of strange anxiety issue for the last couple of days.  sleep is becoming challenging, and once i get to sleep i'm interrupted by the paralysis.

my fingers smell like formaldehyde, my lungs ache when i wake up in the morning, my hands shake, my car is covered in ashes, and my hair and clothes can tell you how many i've smoked in one day.  i'm really starting to disgust myself.  i have to quit sometime.  when will that time be?

i'm too stressed to quit now.

i knew it would be a terrible, terrible thing for me.  much like my habit.
i'm stubborn, though, even with myself.  i want to prove everyone wrong, including my rational judgment.

for now, i'll wait around for conversations that never continue.